Saturday
November 3, 25wk.5d.
David
and I are going to the benefit dinner & dance of the Serrania
School, the school where Clara & Maisy are going. Mike
is out of town and Nina is taking Clara to a concert, but
since this is their annual gift to charity where to buy big
time at the silent auction at the event, they asked if we
could go on behalf of them. Let me get this straight: they’re
giving us 2 tickets to a dinner/dance, where we have a pretty
significant budget to our disposition to go shopping for fun
things for them to give away and enjoy. Oh, and if our tickets
win the flatscreen TV, they want us to keep it. Uh, yeah,
of course!!!!! So, I have to get ready soon as we’ll
leave in about 45 minutes  .
I laid down to take a nap this afternoon and for the first
time saw and felt Kai rolling around in my belly
!! Instead of the regular kick / punch, I actually saw a body
part (don’t know if it was his head / heel / fist /
elbow) glide from my right side of my tummy to the center.
It was really quite trippy and quite honestly, it freaked
me out a bit  ;
both because if felt pretty intense and it just looked a little
eerie…don’t know why. At the same time it was
pretty cool as well and I can’t wait for David to see
it soon too.
Compared to yesterday, I’m feeling a lot better. Emotionally
and physically, although I do get hungry pretty much every
hour…. Tomorrow, David and I are going to Santa Barbara
for a day, I cannot even express how excited I am about that;
just to spend a day together with him, strolling around the
old city center, taking our time and just spending some time
together without the distractions from in and around the house.
Well, time for me to beautify myself. Oh, on that note: today
I noticed for the first time that my butt is actually becoming
more prominent as well 
– hope sincerely it’s merely a balancing tool
to balance out the weight on the front and that it will return
to its usual size after the delivery…
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Friday
November 2, 25wk.4d.
The day has come that I have discovered the potential that
my hormones can have on my body and mood…. For the very
first time during this pregnancy I’ve found myself on
a continuous emotional roller coaster ride today.
We
watched “American Gangster” last night, a long
movie (but worth it, especially since it comes out in theaters
this weekend – we got the screening copy of a friend),
which resulted in me getting approximately 4 hours of sleep
.
As soon as I entered my class room and the first student came
up to me asking if I had a stapler to staple her outline together
I knew it: I was ready to bite her head off and I would do
the same with anyone else who would manage to say “the
wrong” thing today. (I still can’t get over it
though: staple your damn homework together, like I asked.
A staple really doesn’t break the bank you know…
I was going to receive 40 outlines today, how do you expect
me to keep them sorted and organized if no one would staple
their stuff together…..huh???)  .
After class I called David to tell him about my funky mood
– he was so sweet and immediately went into saying all
the things I love to hear: how he loves me, always has and
always will, that I am the sunshine of his life, etc. I love
this man so much!! I did some grocery shopping and went to
have a pedicure, which made me feel better, but because I
had to wait for 20 minutes before they could see me, I ended
up walking out after my pedicure incredibly hungry .
Upon
arrival home, I discovered that David had: finished the nightstands
and hung them, tidy-ed and cleaned the bedroom, tidy-ed the
living room, and had just worked his butt off to get things
sorted (he’s got a photo shoot tomorrow). I was absolutely
blown away, but worded some of my comments slightly unfortunately
 ,
which made him comment as if I had insulted him, which I took
to heart and made me feel lousy for the rest of the day
- even though he really wasn't offended that much.
The
whole day has left me feeling pretty lousy. I know that I
am “building a human”, I get that, but at the
same time, I feel crappy for not doing the things that I’m
supposed to do, which then, in turn, are left behind and David
ends up doing them. I mean, the man works his butt off already,
surely I could take some more responsibility for my tasks
and get over some of the “crappy excuses” I come
up with. For starters, I need to make sure I get my sleep.
Obviously, 4 hours of sleep ain’t enough, I think I
should start there  .
I’m
not quite sure if writing this down has made me feel any better
or what not, but anyways, I figured, I’d want to put
this day into words, so that later I’ll remember (at
this point all I can think: “As if I could forget…”)
Well, it’s time to cuddle up with hubby and watch a
movie. Off I go, and then…..to bed.
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Wednesday
October 31, 25wk.2d.
HAPPY
HALLOWEEN!!!!
A lot has happened since the last time I wrote and I feel
guilty for not keeping this journal more up to date. 
The
weekend after I last wrote I started experiencing this pretty
strong pelvic pressure in my lower abdomen. Very uncomfortable,
to the point where only sitting down or laying down would
relieve it. I sometimes couldn't get from our office to the
kitchen without having to sit down again .
On Monday October 15, I called Dr. Pearson's office to inquire
about this pressure and they moved my appointment from that
Thursday up to Tuesday "just to make sure all is well",
especially since I'd also had some very light cramping over
the weekend.
The appointment went great. It turns out that Kai is going
to be a big baby (long bones, I just hope that he'll "just"
be long, not necessarily too "wide", if you know
what I mean.....)
My belly had grown well, the weight I had gained was all baby,
so all that looked  .
Dr. Pearson did do an ultrasound to check and everything looked
well. Unfortunately the placenta hadn't moved up yet, it was
still laying low, so I really hope that it will move as we
get closer to the 30-week check up at the hospital. the pelvic
pressure came from Kai's position: because I'm tall, the advantage
is that I carry well (from the back, you can't tell I'm preggers).
The disadvantage: Kai isn't positioned sideways, but vertically,
so he's either (with the help of gravity) pushing down with
his head, or with his butt, depending on how he's laying....charming....
Funny enough, the day after the appointment:
pelvic pressure was gone
but....
I woke up with the feeling as if Mike Tyson had punched me
in the ribs!!!!
The entire edge of my rib cage, from the bottom of the breast
bone, all the way to the sides, it felt as if my ribs were
bruised!!!
This feeling has come and gone over the past couple of weeks,
but seems to be getting more and more uncomfortable, when
it is present: I can't sit or lie down comfortably and standing
for too long is out of the question anyways. It's "the
continents shifting", Kai using my rib cage as a punching
bag, or a combination of both. I have felt him already under
my rib cage, so I know he can reach there.....
Stretching is tricky, but when I do it carefully it feels
soooo good. Furthermore to relieve any discomforts, the cat-cow
exercise and the child's pose from yoga really help. They
also are great to allow Kai to shift and turn around.
I do have to say though that experiencing the movements is
amazing!!! Although sometimes he gives me a whole-body-experience
with his kicks (it startles me and they're strong enough that
my entire body "jumps") it's the best feeling ever.
And then the visuals: how amazing is it that we can actually
see him kick!!!! Haven't seen the exact foot and toes yet,
but you can see my belly bulge out when he punches or kicks!!
Why pay $20/ticket to go to the movies, if you have your own
entertainment at home by looking down onto your belly? 
He does seem to prefer the warmth over the cold: as soon as
I lift my shirt up to check him out, he tends to stop moving.
When the shirt goes back down, or I cover my belly with the
sheet (when I'm in bed obviously), he starts again. It makes
it harder for David to actually observe the movements, but
we've found ways to still do so.
We're both very much looking forward to meeting Kai "in
person". It's wonderful, because we already have a bit
of a sense that we know him a bit, yet we can't wait to see
him in person. Overall I'm feeling great, don't get me wrong,
I really don't mean to sound like I'm complaining, because
all these minor discomforts are really not a big deal. I continue
to think about how absolutely amazing it will be to hear him
giggle and laugh and see him connect with our eyes. It'll
make it all worthwhile.
Over
the past few weeks David and I have had some amazing Sundays.
Sundays are the day for us - no appointments, just us together.
We're really enjoying the sleeping in, breakfast in bed and
spending time together - it's almost as if we're dating again.
It really feels that it strengthens our relationship 
and we so cherish these moments as we know that once Kai is
born, these lazy days will be much more rare. This Sunday
we're actually planning on making a daytrip to Santa Barbara,
such a special place for us to return to, lovely for a day.
The nursery is coming along, the painting is starting to look
really nice - I can't wait for it to be done. Last week I
pretty much finished up our registry. Every time I walk into
Babies 'R Us, it feels like baby paradise, so many cute things,
absolutely a danger zone for anyone who is pregnant or likes
baby clothes.... Alli is giving us the 0-12 month clothes
from her 2 boys, such a blessing. That'll save us so much
on not having to purchase. As soon as I have those outfits,
I'll be able to finalize the registry with possibly just some
items that are must haves and necessities for around the house.
I already bought the Coming Home Outfit, it works well with
the little jacket that mom sent me from when I was a baby.
I just hope that Kai will fit into it. We'll probably take
several outfits with us to the hospital as we never know how
big he's really going to be. He'll fit in either one of them.
Tonight
is Halloween. I just came up with the idea that maybe we can
paint my belly to look like a giant pumpkin or something!
Wouldn't that be cool?? I hope that Dave's up for doing the
paint job, as I cannot possibly achieve that by myself, upside
down....
On that note, I do feel like I'm really getting big now. On
one hand that kinda scares me a bit, as I still have 15 weeks
to go - I mean, how will I feel when I'm 38 weeks pregnant??
Last week I gained 3.5 lbs (I mean, in 1 (!!) week
), but then when I saw the comparison belly shot between week
24 and 25, there was actually a difference in belly size,
which usually over the course of a week is hardly noticeable.
So I guess, Kai went through a growth spurt...maybe so did
I, dunno....
Well, I think this is as much update as I can come up with.
I'm about to call David and see if he's making it home for
lunch as we're getting hungry (again ).
My food portions are getting significantly smaller as my stomach
reduces in size, but I do get hungry faster. For whatever
reason the feeling of hunger always hits me as soon as I lie
down in bed. Why is that anyways?? My usual last thing I say
to David before closing my eyes: "Good night love.....oh
gosh, I'm hungry...again" 
The
day before yesterday (Monday October 29 @ 25 wk.) I had my
first 2 Braxton Hicks contractions. While we were watching
TV at night, all of a sudden I felt my uterus contracting
and becoming rock solid. It didn't hurt, it was merely pressure,
but it made me crunch up my legs as close to my chest as possible.
The muscles relaxed as soon as I did that. About 10 minutes
later I had a 2nd one, less strong. Haven't had them after
that. As Dr. Pearson said "You can't miss them, the bite
you "in the butt" and you'll know that that's it"
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Wednesday
October 10, 22wk.2d.
Our new bed is just so comfortable and gives me (read: my
belly) so much support, it's wonderful, however, it makes
getting up in the morning oh so much more difficult  .
Yesterday
I really came to the painful conclusion that most of my tops
have moved their preferred location up to "on top"
of my belly, as opposed to below it. Given the fact that I
teach a 7:00 (am) class in Public Speaking to 2 groups of
(on average) 20-something-year-olds, showing belly at this
point in my life is just not so appropriate anymore. Time
for a slight wardrobe change I would say.
I admit, needing to go clothes-shopping isn't the biggest
problem a woman faces during a pregnancy, but still. I'm Dutch,
so I refuse to spend too much on clothing that I will only
wear for a few months. Yes, David and I are hoping to add
a 2nd baby to our family at some point, but the chances of
it being born around the same time as Kai (and thus the need
for the same type of maternity clothing) are small. I spent
some time online and found a few really neat sweater/top and
blouse/tank top combinations, which hopefully arrive on my
doorstep sometime next week. 
I'm also finding that I'm becoming hungry sooner. It almost
feels as if I get hungry within a couple of hours after eating
a meal. I've always been the type to get (very) cranky
when my blood sugar levels drop, but add a pregnancy to that
and the -factor
more than doubles. I mean, it seems as if the entire world
of traffic just slows down at the moments that I desperately
need to get to some food of some kind, what's up with that?
It's
interesting, I'm starting to see a certain pattern developing
in how I feel over the course of the day:
As soon as I get out of bed, I deal for about an hour with
some severe stretching and pressure on my belly. I describe
it to David as "an extremely full blatter which is located
in the front of your belly and peeing won't relief the pressure".
As soon as I move around a bit and get read, it starts to
feel better. Mornings are without a doubt my best time of
the day though.
Right after lunch is a low. I should really start including
nap time after lunch (as per my doctor's suggestion). I've
been going without for a while - I feel guilty you know, laying
down in the middle of the day, while David is working his
tushy off to get the house ready and the remodel done. And
there I am, going to bed. There's so much else that needs
to be done, not doing those things make me feel sort of guilty,
does that make any sense? I also know that I *should* work
on letting go of all the shoulds that I have in my head because
as soon as Kai arrives, those shoulds move over to the sideline.
Accepting the fact that not everything gets done will make
my life so much easier and yet, that's easier said than done.
How does one train for that?
I get tired pretty early in the evening though. Luckily I
have no problem whatsoever sleeping, for which I'm immensely
greatful. Every night that I have a good night's sleep I count
as a blessing as I know those are numbered.
I am incredibly excited to meet Kai and I know that I will
miss being pregnant and having that intimate relationship
with him of feeling him move and kick inside of me. However,
looking him in the eye and realizing time after time that
he is a creation of love, a human being that David and I created
by ourselves, must be an amazing experience. At the same time,
the prospect of motherhood scares me a bit. There are the
moments wher I wonder "am I really ready for this?"
I mean, growing up as an only child, I don't have much experience
dealing with younger kids, let alone infants. My biggest fear:
holding Kai in my arms for the first time and not knowing
what to do. I pray that some kind of mother-instinct will
kick in and I will "know", however at this point,
I have no clue of what that would be aside from loving my
baby. Does that make me an ill-prepared mom? I hope not.
To wrap things up for today, one more thing: I absolutely
LOVE being pregnant. Kai is the first thing I think about
when my alarm clock goes off in the morning (even before:
"I don't want to get up yet") and he is the last
thing I think about before I close my eyes at night. What
a wonderful journey this is and how blessed I am to be making
this journey with the man of my life. 
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Monday
October 8, 22wk.
Wow, it's been so long since I've written in my journal. I
really want to make a conscious effort to be a bit more consistent
for the next few months as so many people keep reminding me:
"Make sure you keep a journal".
Aside from growing and my belly getting bigger there's really
not much big news to report.
Although....
Around
20 1/2 weeks Kai really started moving around a lot more.
It changed from once or twice a day to every couple of hours.
Then, on Saturday September 29 (20wk.5d.) we SAW the first
kick! It was after lunch and Kai was kicking up a storm to
the point where he made me lift up my top and take a good
look at my belly....and there it was (again) - a kick, but
this time I saw my skin bulging outward! It was so awesome!!!!
Of course when I called David over, Kai stopped (he always
does that ),
but after we had taken a nap and I was laying on my side,
David actually got to see it as well.
He's been moving, kicking and punching ever since.
Last
week, while I was teaching my Saturday class, David put the
crib together as a surprise. It was wonderful when he showed
me some pics on the computer and all of a sudden a series
of pictures of him putting the crib together popped up! I
LOVE this man !!
The nursery is coming along fine. I don't seem to be able
to make up my mind anymore on design and bedding, but I've
made a decision and the stuff is ordered. No going back now.
We got this awesome idea of painting wild animals on the wall:
a giraffe looking over the crib, an elephant looking over
the glider and monkeys in a palm tree that we build/paint
against the wall, over the closet.
The theme is based on the tapestry my mom made when she was
put on bedrest while she was preggers with me. She sent it
to me and it inspired us for Kai's nursery.
I continue to be amazed by the idea that David and I created
a human being that is growing inside of me. I mean, it's a
creation that's unique, that's purely him and me (well and
some of our ancestors in what they had passed on to us), but
this human being is someone who we created out of love. How
amazing is that? It continues to astonish me, it's magical
and sometimes hard to comprehend. We're both incredibly curious
as to who he will be, what he will be about and what kind
of personality he will have. We're just very excited to meet
him and at the same time, the thought that in 4 months we
will be a family of 3 is at moments a bit overwhelming - I
mean, the responsibility for another human being, not just
for his life, but also for his upbringing. Nevertheless, I'm
ready for it, I've been looking forward to that chapter for
so long and I cannot wait to meet Kai and write that story
with him and David.
The house is coming along as well. We moved into our new bedroom,
got our new bed and mattress and tomorrow I'll be going to
the West Elm store to buy our new linnen. Never thought that
would be something that would get me excited .
Well,
that's a brief update on the baby-front. I will really try
to keep this journal up a bit better from now on. Tonight
is another belly-shot night, so I'll update the photos as
soon as I can tomorrow.
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Saturday
September 15, 18wk.5d.
We
had our big ultrasound yesterday at the hospital. From other
people we had understood that Dr. Incerpi (our Perinatologist)
was amazing; an expert in his field, extremely friendly and
very accommodating. We had brought our VHS tape so we could
have the ultrasound video taped. Our little one continued
to amaze the doctor by striking poses for the ultrasound machine.
His film debut was an absolute success. The doctor continued
to say "This is such a beautiful baby, I could spend
the entire day watching this baby, but I'm sure that the people
out in the hall wouldn't be too happy with that..."
The
baby measure fine, the expected due date got moved up to February
7, with a window through the 13th. I guess that immediately
moves me up from 18wk.5d. to 19wk.2d. along. We did find out
that I have a marginal placenta previa - something that occurs
pretty often in the 2nd / 3rd trimester where the placenta
is located about 2 cm. above the cervix. In 95% of the cases,
it moves itself out of the way once the uterus starts expanding
and moving up, so at the moment it's not something to really
worry about. It was reason though for the doctor to have me
come back in 10 weeks for a follow up, for which appointment
he promised we'd do another 3D/4D image session.
He
did the 3D/4D imaging yesterday as well, awesome experience.
For the photos, click here.
The video of the ultrasound is uploaded as well, click
here if you want to see it. Then came the moment to find
out if we were indeed having a  .
And the answer is....yes. Bula is certain to be a boy. We
named him: Chayim Sandol Beeler.
Chayim is Hebrew and means "life". Even though we're
not Jewish, we just love the name and feel it's appropriate
for our little one. Sandol has been the middle name of the
first born son in David's side of the family since the early
1800's - a tradition we wanted to uphold. We're incredibly
happy that all is well with him. The blood results came back
normal, so everything is looking good. It's hard to express
how happy I feel, grateful and blessed.
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Thursday
August 23, 15wk.3d.
We
had our 16-week appointment today. (According to the Doc's
calculations I'm actually 15wk.6d. along, so almost 16 weeks,
but let's not get into that confusing stuff )
All went well. The heartbeat was strong at 146 BPM, I (or
should I say "The Baby") measured alright, all is
looking well. We asked Dr. Pearson if it was possible to do
an ultrasound today as he had mentioned last time that there
might be a possibility to do to that today. He answered that
it was possible, but that he had to check how "probable"
it was.... We went over a bunch of questions David and I had
and when I told him about the excruciating pain I had had
last night, in the front and back of my right side his response
was: "Well, there is a reason to do an ultrasound!"
It turned out that I have some small "gravel pieces"
in my right kidney - not real kidney stones, but small pieces
that will pass.
The
ultrasound was amazing!! The first picture was the full-body
shot of the baby. It looked so peaceful and calm in there,
as if it really was "kickin' back and relaxin' "
Then the doc decided to "play around" and actually
caught a 3D close up of the baby sucking his thumb!!!!! It
was sooo awesome!!!!! (By the way, you can see all these shots
at the ultrasound
page) And then, there was the key-question: Is it a 
or a ?
Doctor Pearson's remark (with the disclaimer that he wasn't
100% sure, but that we would have to get it confirmed at the
20-week big ultrasound in the hospital): "That looks
like either a beautiful uncircumcised penis, or the umbillicol
cord, but looking at the shape, I'd say it's a "
David asked how certain he was and he said "in the 80%".
So I guess for now it looks like we're having a BOY!!!! I'm
still so overwhelmed and blown away, had not expected it at
all!! My intuition told me it would be a girl, so here we
are!!
After
work, I went to the lab and had my blood drawn for the prenatal
testing and genetic screening. According to the nurse, if
I didn't hear from her in 5 business days, all would be well.
So I guess that takes us to the end of next week....
I'm
so excited and still kinda speechless!! I think it'll sink
in more when we have the confirmation of the big ultrasound,
which I will call for tomorrow. Hopefully we'll be able to
schedule that around our next doctor's appointment toward
the end of September.
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Saturday
August 18, 14wk.5d.
The
big news from the last few days is that on Thursday morning
I felt 
kick! It was amazing, no doubt about it! I had just gotten
off the phone with 'oma Tootje' (my surrogate grandmother)
and was slouching in my desk chair (about to slide off it... )
when I felt 3 "pokes" right around my bikini line,
just right of center. It was definitely no gas
or my stomach growling (unless it moved all the way down there),
actually they were pretty coordinated. It was so incredibly
exciting!! Later on I felt another kick / punch, it was great.
Yesterday, around the same time, it happened again. Twice,
between 11 am and 1 pm. It's such an awesome feeling!! (Until
the
gets bigger and starts kicking into my rib cage....)
I
didn't expect to start feeling anything until between 16-20
weeks, but then since I'm relatively thin built, it makes
sense to feel it a bit earlier. Anyways, it was an exciting
experience.
This
week my pregnancy headaches have started. They tend to start
in the early afternoon and get stronger (and worse) toward
the evening. On Wednesday I ended up on the sofa with an ice
pack on my forehead. I called the Doctor's office and talked
to the nurse who told me that Tylenol is absolutely safe.
After some hesitation I did take it yesterday, and it worked.
I'm just afraid that these headaches will become a daily phenomenon
and I really don't feel like taking Tylenol every day - heck,
taking it once yesterday went against the comfort zone I have
around painkillers, I certainly don't want to take that stuff
if I don't have to.
Yesterday
the outside of the house received its color stucco-coat and
it looks awesome. It's still drying, but we love the look
of it. The work on the inside continues as well. They're almost
done with staining the cabinets and closets and it looks incredibly
slick! Can't wait to move in there and start decorating!!
This
weekend is a busy one: have to grade speeches and papers,
put together the syllabus for the Fall semester and want to
start working on designing the website for the restaurant
that I'm doing the website for. Tonight we have a BBQ over
at friends, so it's a busy weekend.
Off
to my responsibilities I am!!
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Wednesday
August 15, 14wk.2d.
Okay,
so NOW I'm definitely in my 2nd trimester. I mean, I still
don't get the whole counting-thing, but that's what they say,
so there you have it.
This entry is not going to be too long, as I am absolutely
exhausted. It was such a long and busy day (actually, this
week has been incredibly busy, it wasn't just today), all
I really want to do is go brush my teeth and go to bed.
Our
friend Shelly Becker is helping us out with the paint colors
and interior design of both the nursery and our master bedroom.
She's an awesome research with a wealth of knowledge and an
amazing sense of design and style. I met her in the Fashion
District Downtown yesterday to go shopping for fabrics for
the nursery. Fabrics for the window decorations and bedding.
We found some great stuff, left with several swatches of fabric
and plenty of ideas to think about. First thing to do is to
wait until next week's appointment. Maybe, maybe we'll find
out whether we're having a
or a
- which would help the decision process on colors & fabrics.
After our Downtown shopping experience, I was off to work.
This
morning I actually went shopping for a pair of comfortable
pants. Except for my stretchy jeans, all my pants have moved
on to the "uncomfortable basket" and chances that
they will be worn before next Spring are next to nothing.
Found an amazing pair of cargo (drawstring - LOVE that invention)
pants at Gap. Great buy!
In the afternoon I was off to Downtown again to meet with
a client to talk about the web design I'm doing for their
restaurant.
And
here I am, pooped and tired. As I said, all I can think of
right now is brushing my teeth and laying down. I still LOVE
to sleep.
Guess I should take advantage of the possibility of sleeping,
while I still can, before a certain someone wakes me up every
2 hours, requesting a new supply of nutrients.....
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