Beeler Family Journal

Spring 2010

Downunder Trip

The Beeler Family
>Chayim (Kai)
>Ryder
>The Family
>> Family Photo Albums
>> Family Movies
>> Family Journal

May 31, 2010

Kai was a bit 'fragile' today as I would like to call it. A bit whiny at times, easily upset, quick to produce tears, in other words 'fragile'. I don't like fragile days. It makes me feel like I am walking on eggshells. And I don't like eggshells. They are sharp and make a mess and since my title is "Mommy" that means I have to clean up that mess. I don't like cleaning up, let alone cleaning up messes. Luckily there were the dogs to keep him occupied. Kai had a great time chasing the dogs. Add to that yesterday's toddler lesson: when you pull that "long thing at the back end of the kitty" she makes a funny sound. All this made for one motivated (yet fragile) toddler...[Mommy sighs]

We had a few falls and some tears, but overall the day went by in a pretty uneventful manner. By the way, it is AMAZING how well mommy's kisses heal all boo-boo's. Usually he doesn't give a kick when he falls, but when he does and there are tears, he comes running toward me saying "mommy kiss mommy kiss" and when I then plant a smooch on the boo-boo, all tears are gone, pain is gone (or so it seems) and he runs off to continue playing / chasing one of the pets / etc. It is absolutely amazing, those mommy kisses. It makes me wish I was a bit more flexible, so that I could reach those hard to get to places that I manage to bump / kick / hit against objects that are harder than my body parts. Man, that would have saved me a lot of friggin' pain yesterday when I kicked my little toe against the wooden leg of one of our ottomans. Darn that hurt!!! Wish I could give myself a big smooch there, as I certainly could have used some relief. Well, I guess that is the privilege of being a toddler. Good for him!

The bedtime routines are a 2-parent event in our house, so while David puts Kai down, I get my previously mentioned cuddle-fix from Ryder. If Kai is still awake by the time Ryder is down, I usually go in to kiss him good night. He has gotten as far as having me lay down in his race car bed, no, not to cuddle (did you read the previous post at all??), but to climb on me and wrestle with me. It's our daily thing and it usually lasts a couple of minutes (if it was up to Kai, it would last longer, but it isn't up to him. It's up to me ;-) Then we say our Good Nights and it's "Bye Mommy" (the cue that I can leave and close the door behind me on my way out).

Tonight, as the climbing and wrestling had come to an end, I kissed him and was about to tell him Good Night, when he said "more kisses" and gave me a serious of beautiful toddler kisses. He then, laid down next to me, wrapped his arms around my neck and cuddled up against me. Softly and quietly pointing out my eyes, nose, hair, cheeks, mouth, lips and chin. Very, very sweet. It was such a beautiful moment; one of those that I immediately wanted to bottle and make last forever. As he nuzzled with me, I said "Ik hou van je Kai" (translation: I love you Kai) and there it was, in a soft voice: "Ik hou van je mommy". Ooohhh...!!! I had to put everything into gear to keep myself from bursting out in tears. God, that slayed me. As I gave him one of the biggest hugs a mother could ever give her 2-year old, he wrapped his arms around me and returned the favor.

By far the best moment of the day. Probably of the week, but given that the week only just started...who knows. I will never, ever forget this day. Just beautiful.

May 30, 2010

My brain is going at a pace that prohibits me from keeping up with it. It almost hurts. David and I recently cleaned up the office, turning it into a bit more of a comfortable environment to work in. Me being sort type A, who is pro “throwing out / giving away what I haven’t used in over a year” – with occasional relapses resulting in clutter – and David, the artist, holding on to nearly everything. Need I say more? A match made in heaven :-)

In line with the “clean the house frenzy” of a couple of weeks ago, I hosted a multi-family yard sale yesterday. To give you an idea of how much crap I had collected together with my mommy friends: 2 days ago I had to create a path from the door of the office to my desk. That should explain. Now here is the awesome cause for which we did this yard sale: our Annual Mom’s Weekend Out. Last year we left Los Angeles behind us for a weekend in Palm Springs. Go figure: 10 moms, no hubbies, no kids, 1 house, a pool and BYOB!! Awesome!! This year’s destination: Santa Barbara!! Sweet!! We’re going to stay at a B&B in the heart of Santa Barbara, which includes breakfast and a daily wine & cheese reception. The yard sale went okay, we didn’t make as much as I had hoped, mainly due to one of the street signs that had blown off / been ripped off. BUT, at the end of the morning, we were left with more money than we had started out with, yet I still have 1/2 an office of stuff that I am donating to Goodwill this week. I want my office back.

Today marks one of the first really warm days in LA. We’ve had a few, but for some reason this one really feels like the beginning of summer. I don’t know if that is because it’s Memorial Day weekend, or what the logic is, but it really feels as if summer is starting. I started cleaning the patio today. The bar was dirty, the candle holders needed to be washed, the walls of the house needed spraying off, so now, all there is to do is the patio surface (a job in and by itself). All I say is “some other day”. Maybe tomorrow, maybe next week, dunno, it greatly depends on when I have time.

‘Time’ is such a difficult concept in my life at the moment. I was relieved to read that one of my followers is going through a similar thing of “where did the day go?” as she commented to my previous post. I find myself incredibly busy during the the day, only to ask myself at the end of it “What all did I do?” and often I am not even able to answer that question. Frustrating!!! I really don’t waste much time, but most of the time is consumed taking care of the boys, which really doesn’t leave much time for anything else. I have mentioned it before, but that’s why the afternoon naptime for the kids is so incredibly sacred to me.

That brings me to one of the big challenges that I am faced with these days: Ryder and his sleeping habits. Oh lordy, where do I start? I’m incredibly happy that I was able to wean him off the night feedings when he was 8 weeks old. It went fast and easy, in 2 days they were over and done with. Wahoo!! But...we’re not sleeping through the night. Oh heavens no!! If only!!! There are more things involved in order to master that:

the pacifier
the swaddling blanket
falling asleep (Ryder, not me, I have no problems with that)

“To Pacify or Not To Pacify? That Is The Question”
The paci was oh so handy when Ryder was younger and he loves it. It soothes him right away. He has started finding his thumb (Mommy thinks: “Yeah!!”), but is not able to find it consistently. So, now when the paci falls out, it lands next to him and when he turns his head, it gets stuck between his neck and the mattress, which wakes him up.
Option 1 (The quick-fix): pop the paci back in, but then within an hour we’re back to square 1. This will get me up between 6-10 times a night and obviously ain’t working so well for Mommy.
Option 2 (the longer fix): pop paci in, rock him into a deep sleep, take paci out and transfer back into his crib. This way I get up about 2 times a night, but the process takes longer.

Swaddling:
LOVE LOVE LOVE swaddling, but I gave life to 2 Houdini’s who did not last long in swaddling blankets. Ryder is now out with hands and feet, but I still wrap the swaddling blanket around his waist as he likes the snug-fit. I would like to wean him off that as well, as temps are going up and it might be getting too warm for him.

Falling asleep:
Contrary to Kai, Ryder loves to snuggle and cuddle. I’ve been rocking him to sleep, merely because we both love it. I never got to do that with Kai (he still isn’t big on snuggling), so I’m getting that fix through Ryder. I taught Kai to fall asleep on his own when he was 4-5 months. It went pretty easy and ever since he has been an amazing sleeper, in every way: I can put him down wide awake, give him a kiss, walk out and he is fine. Hardly ever a problem, he’s awesome when it comes to falling asleep. I would like to do the same with Ryder, but I also don’t want to give up the snuggling yet. See my dilemma?

To anyone who is not a mommy, these things probably don’t mean a thing (I’m surprised you’re still reading at this point), but to other moms this may sound familiar. These may look like insignificant things that you ‘just do / deal with’, but as a mom who wants to keep her household running as peacefully and happily as possible, these are things that take up a lot of time in our minds trying to figure out. “When is the right time to do what” and honestly I don’t know. I have no idea how I am going to go about this, but I trust that I’ll figure it out. I did with Kai, so I will with Ryder.

Kai is doing well. Though he is the one experiencing toddler hood first hand, David and I have a first class ticket as VIP passengers on the toddler hood train. And sometimes it’s a darn bumpy ride, which really makes me want to request a refund. But then there are also the journeys that are delightfully smooth, so smooth that I am convinced I got an awesome deal! In other words, he really goes from the devilish (but cute) toddler one day to an angel the other.

At the moment we’re facing the “struggle with the tooth brush”. To most parents who are facing toddler hood (through their kids that is), or who are just coming out of it, this may sound like a familiar story. Brushing our teeth is a daily challenge at the moment. Shaking our head, sucking the tooth paste of the brush, squirming away, throwing fits, you name it, we’ve had it or been through it. I don’t know if he doesn’t like having his teeth brushed, or if it is just a control issue, but I hate those 2 times a day with a passion. He’ll happily run into the bathroom when we announce that it is time to brush our teeth, plops down on the toilet seat cover, but then it goes South from there. We’re still in the process of figuring this one out.

Up until last week, Kai was all about testing limits, being defiant, not listening, in other words, real devil at times. Having said that, it seems as if over the past few days he has done a complete 180: he’s incredibly loving, wants to help in the kitchen, gives hugs and kisses, and is overall incredibly sweet. He still tests the “No’s” at times, but overall, he’s really good. He’ll bring things when I ask him, helps put the laundry in, wants to give the bottle to Ryder, is very concerned about Ryder when he sleeps and wants to constantly check his brother out on the video monitor. Adorable.

I have to admit, the kid knows what he wants and is very smart in making subtle attempts to get it. Here’s an example of what happened after dinner the other day:
Kai: “Kai and papa in auto” (‘auto’ is Dutch for ‘car)
David took him to the car, thinking he wanted to sit on daddy’s lap to play with the steering wheel.
Kai: “Kai sit in car seat” [pointing at his seat]
David opened the door and Kai climbed in.
Kai: “Papa strap Kai in” David strapped him in.
Kai: “Now, papa sit over there” [pointing at the driver seat]
David got in the driver seat.
Kai: “Now, papa and Kai go to Mak and Nini” (Mike & Nina are his godparents)

This is the alternative to the incessant “Kai go see Mak & Nini” that he sometimes gets obsessed about. Smart way of trying it differently, I have to admit. If one way doesn’t work, why not try it differently? There is so much more going on, but at the moment my brain is fried of thinking about it, and Ryder is (once again) awake. So...time to do some soothing. Hopefully I’ll be back a bit more again this week. New month, new chances.

May 28, 2010

I shouldn't even be writing this right now. No, I should be in bed, sleeping. THAT's what I should be doing, yet here I am, sitting down behind my computer, writing just a few sentences to send out a message to the world that YES, I am still breathing. Barely that is, but nonetheless, that constitutes as being alive.

The past few days have been absolutely crazy and one of these days I hope to actually compile all the posts that I started and turn them into one, to kinda summarize my crazy week. I am looking forward to that moment, simply because it means that I would actually be able to sit down and take a deep breath for a moment. I need it and in the next 24 hours it looks like I am not going to get that. Nevertheless, I am looking forward to the weekend, yet right now, I really just want to go to bed. My alarm clock (the electronic one, not the human one - hopefully) will go off at 6am tomorrow. Having a toddler and a baby I have gotten a little bit used to 6:00am wake up calls, however, I am far, far removed from actually 'liking' it.

That brings up the question: why is it that as children you hate going to bed and sleeping late, while as adults, you would do anything for a long, long night's sleep? When does that change?

May 25, 2010

This afternoon, while I was having lunch with my boys, I all of a sudden got hit with an overwhelming desire to have a milkshake. A hot fudge milkshake to be exact. Home-made, nothing less. As if I needed it. I am still trying to lose the last 10 lbs. of baby weight, which for whatever reason takes a heck longer than it did with Kai. Sigh...

Anyways, I wanted a milkshake and nothing or no one was going to keep me from having one while the boys were taking their naps. Or so I thought. First there was the ice cream. Or better said, the lack of ice cream. Me to hubby: “need to go and get ice cream, will be back in 10.” So I did and so I was. Made the chocolate concoction that I call ‘fudge’ to mix in with my shake. And then...bingo!! Kai came strolling in with a bright yellow piece of paper in his hands – obviously a page he had ripped out of a book. While returning him to his room, I explained that it was nap time and that all his friends (real and imaginary) were taking naps too. (This usually works, you know). Mind, how I said “usually”. Kai went down the usual list of suspects, which went something like this:

Kai: “Elmo take a nap?”
Me: “Yes, Elmo is taking a nap.”
Kai: “Uhm......Abby take a nap?”
Me: “Yes, Abby is taking a nap”.
Kai: “Uhhmm......Zoe take a nap?”
Me: “Yes, Zoe is taking a nap as well.”
Kai: “Uhhhmmm....uhm...Thomas take a nap?”
Me: “Yes, Thomas is taking a nap, and Percy, and James are all taking naps. Just like you. Kai also needs to take a nap.”
Kai: “TobyHat take a nap?” (for those of you not steeped in the culture of Thomas & Friends: that is a combination of Toby & Sir Topham Hatt)
Me: “Yes, he too. Everyone is taking a nap. Now it’s Kai’s turn. Bye Kai, I love you”
Kai: “Bye Mommy!!” (as he blows a kiss)

Okay, back to milkshake-making!! Wahoo!! As I scoop the ice cream in the pitcher, the bars on my monitor go into the red: Ryder. I go in, soothe him, and get back to what I was doing. To make a long story short(er), this goes on for an hour and a half: me going back and forth between Kai’s room and Ryder’s room. Neither one of them slept, I didn’t get to enjoy my milkshake.

And then, both of them at the same time...you’ve gotta be kiddin’ me! You know, this would seriously be a good argument to be pro-cloning, gosh would it be helpful to have 2 of me in this household at times (but DEFINITELY not all the time – that would be too much of a good thing. Oops, did I just say that?!? Can’t believe I did). Luckily David got up and went into Kai’s room, but before I had a chance to get over to the nursery, David called me in and showed me this: He had decided to express himself artistically by coloring his bed and sheets with chalk. Sigh...need I say more?? Guess what I’m doing this afternoon...!!!

Well, we are now 2-1/2 hours into nap time and both rooms are quiet – just in time for everyone to get up again in 1/2 hour (as otherwise we will have trouble tonight). I finally enjoyed my killer hot fudge milkshake and added another pound or so to my post-partum body. Oh well, it was good.

May 21, 2010

Sometimes I wish I lived out in the country, where the kids could just run out the door and go; freeing themselves from the massive energy overload that they are carrying around, driving parents up the wall and eventually leading to the destruction of even the sturdiest home if kept too long inside. Sometimes Frequently I want to just open the door and tell Kai “Run Free, Wild Child!” and even though our yard is considered spacious for LA-standards, there is just not enough room to really ‘run free’ – especially for a ‘wild child’. As city-dwellers we then take our children out to the playground, hoping that that will do the trick.

Last week we had one of those days when Kai was in desperate need of running around and climbing on items other than lawn furniture and the dogs. So, I packed up the kids and off we went. Our destination was a local playground, adjacent to a park where people run, play baseball, picnic, etc. Enough space to run around. Beautiful. This was the perfect morning to wear both kids out, to ensure good naps and a beautiful afternoon in which everyone was rested and well-spirited.

Kai enjoyed the playground only briefly and then took off: running towards the big trees only to announce that the biggest one was the one he was going to climb. You go little monkey! Whatever helps you release all that toddler-energy is fine with me! I will sit back and watch you do it. He didn’t get any further than playing peekaboo, but that was adorable as well. Once the tree was old news and no longer served a purpose to my little explorer, he moved on to finding the next item of interest. And then, there it was....: the empty yogurt container in the grass. The lid right next to it. Kai spotted it and out came his determination: the “trashy” had to be thrown out in one of the trashcans that were all around. Whereas I was proud of my toddler for his determination to save our environment and keep our parks clean and green, I wasn’t grooving too much on the thought of him picking up a dirty yogurt container that used to belong to who-knows-who and get his hands all of it. Yuck. It took an awful lot of distraction methods on mommy’s part to get the young man to move away (and to keep him away) from the “trashy”. It’s fascinating how, once he has something in his mind, hardly anything can keep him away from it. Well, there are things (read: food & milk) that would distract him enough, but I was lacking those at the park, so it was a bit more challenging.

Now here’s what I wonder: if my 2-year old toddler knows and is able to throw other people’s trash in one of the zillion trashcans that are around in the park, why was the (I am assuming) adult who enjoyed the contents of the aforementioned yogurt cup incapable of doing so?

I really wonder what people are thinking when they just leave their trash behind. Or actually, there is the crux of the problem: they don’t (think). I really don’t want to launch in to a speech on how we should limit our trash, pick up after ourselves, etc., but again, if it comes so natural to a 2-year old toddler to pick up the trash and throw it out, why is that any different for us? Where, along the way, do we lose that sense of decency / responsibility / manners / logic?

Now, the last thing I ponder over is the inexplicable question of why he (Kai) is more obsessed about other people’s trash than about his own (at home). If only I could get my environmentally-focused explorer to pick up after himself at home…that’d be just lovely as it would save me a lot of work (and frustration). Oh, and by the way: despite all the running, the fresh air and the release of energy, naps did not happen. Since that day, I have been waiting for that beautiful afternoon in which everyone was rested and well-spirited. Maybe today?

May 21, 2010

12-noon: Mommy & 2 boys return from play date. Baby is hungry - gets fed. Toddler is hungry - gets fed. Mommy is hungry - eats.

12:45pm: mommy is excited for boys to go to take their nap, so she can get some work done.

1:00pm: Baby plays in crib, while mommy puts toddler down. Crap, CD player won't work. Just like yesterday afternoon. Why did daddy get it to work last night? Do I have bad ju-ju? Tried everything, except throwing it out the window. Still doesn't work. Sh**! Mommy tells toddler that "CD player is broken and he'll have to fall asleep without music. Will buy new player this afternoon. Love you."

1:10pm: Mommy rocks baby to sleep with lullabies playing on single 1 player in the house that works. Baby konks out in 10 minutes.

1:20pm: Excited mommy moves into office and starts working.

1:30pm: Mommy checks monitor and notices that toddler isn't in bed. Mommy enters room and Toddler is playing with blocks.
Mommy: "Why aren't you sleeping?"
Toddler: "Music oh-oh!!"
Mommy (internally): "Damn player"
Mommy: "Let's fix it."
Toddler: "Okay Mommy"

Mommy fails mission, cuddles with toddler who now wants to wrestle.

Mommy: [sigh...]
Toddler: "Bye Mommy".
Mommy (relieved as this always means he is ready to fall asleep): "Bye Love"

1:40pm: Mommy calls Daddy.
Daddy's solution: "move the CD player from nursery to toddler room. Baby isn't attached to the music yet, toddler is. That way they'll both sleep."
Mommy: "You obviously don't know baby!"

Mommy downloads CD from internet so she can play on MP3 player.
Daddy has MP3 player with him. Crap. Nevertheless, mommy goes in to nursery (baby asleep), steals player & moves it to toddler room. (It's worth the try, right?)

1:50pm: toddler asleep, baby asleep!! Mommy: "I guess daddy was right. Yeah!!"

1:55pm: baby wakes up crying.
I guess Mommy was right [usually: "of course!!" today: sigh & "darn"]

1:56pm: mommy rocks baby to sleep.

2:20pm: baby asleep. Mommy moves baby to crib. And....baby opens eyes!! Oh you've gotta be kiddin'!!!!!!

2:30pm: after 10 minutes of rocking, Mommy gets brilliant idea.

2:40pm: mommy moves laptop on which imported lullaby music plays which was downloaded earlier (see 1:40pm)into nursery. Mommy rocks baby.

3:00pm: baby is out. Mommy moves baby to crib. Baby still out.

3:01pm: Mommy does happy-dance (in living room, NOT in nursery!!)

3:42pm: Baby & toddler still asleep. Mommy is done writing.

May 19, 2010

Earlier this month, I started a blog: http://mformommy.blogspot.com

If you are following it, you will find that the stories are more or less the same as the ones here on the website. The only difference is that my blog is up to date, this website I update approx. once a month. The other thing is that on my blog, you (as the reader) have the chance to comment on my stories. An option that does not exist here on the website. Feel free to check it out and to respond. I would love to hear from you.

Below is the story, explaining where the name of my blog came from:

I've been meaning to do this and as today seems to unfold in quite an uneventful manner (though it's only early afternoon), I figure I sit down and briefly explain where the name for my blog came from: mformommy. Right before Easter, I had to go to the florist. Mind you, I love flowers, but I do NOT like the ones here in America. (Sorry, no offense.) I am Dutch and in The Netherlands we have flowers. REAL FLOWERS! Beautiful flowers that are actually grown locally, that are (or at least 'were' when I still lived there) affordable and that would last (longer than 2 days). I miss my home country in that respect. Oh and I miss the delicious cheeses, breads and oh so many other yummy things, but that's not what I want to write about, because if I do, I get hungry and I'm still trying to shed the last pounds that Ryder graced me with during my pregnancy with him. Back to my story. Where was I? Easter. Florist. Right. So, I pull up with my 2 boys in the Prius (yes, I drive a Prius and I LOVE it) and park the car in a parking lot that is between my florist and one of the world's most famous fast-food places. I open the door for Kai, free him from his car seat and as he hops out, his head slowly moves backwards into his neck as he looks up - in awe - to one of the largest forms of advertising the kid had ever seen in his 2 years of life. There it was: the golden arch!!! In amazement he stares at this enormous sign that (probably together with our nation's most beloved soda) is the pinnacle of American advertising and that unfortunately symbolizes a big part of our culinary society [insert sad face]. The sign that I do NOT want him to become familiar with any time soon. And then he exclaims in a voice that only communicates love and exhilaration: "Mommy Look!!! 'M' for Mommy!!!" Oh dear God, bless my beautiful little boy. May he remain this innocent for a long, long time to come...

May 18, 2010

Today I have come to the conclusion that no matter how hard I try, certain things just don't come to an end. Unfortunately. It wasn't a particularly exciting day: aside from 2 brothers who decided to both be extremely high-maintenance, requesting my undivided attention almost 100% of the time they were awake this morning (see how that, in and by itself puts mommy in a bit of time crunch?), the day has been much like the weather: a bit gloomy, with some rays of sunshine, but overall not very bright, with some occasional wetness.

On several occasions I found myself flustered: standing in the middle of whatever room I happened to be in, looking around and noticing all the things that needed attending, yet not being able to move one bit into getting anything done. Yes, that was my day. Ultimately I did get my groceries done - but that was largely due to the fact that I put my bag together last night, so all I had to do was to grab the bag, the kids and get in the car, and drive to my beloved Trader Joe's.
And then, this afternoon while I was nursing Ryder and I was enjoying a moment of peace and silence (Kai was still napping and Ryder, well...he had his mouth full) it came to me: some things just don't come to an end. In a moment of clarity, I had cleaned the floors this morning and yet they looked as if they hadn't been attended to for over a week. Then there are the laundry hampers: I think I have to buy new ones, these aren't working for me. I am convinced that I have 'bottomless' hampers as I never seem to be able to reach the bottom. I do laundry, turn around and the hamper is full again. Huh?!? Wha's up with that!?!

Then there are the dogs, the cat and my boys. I love them all dearly, but open a door and at least one is bound to track in dirt. The dogs and cat: they shed and 't is the season for shedding. I clean, I turn around and there is...animal hair. Well, I have to be honest: I can't leave myself out of the equation: I shed as well. The post-partum-kinda shedding when I lose all the beautiful thick hair that I worked so hard on collecting during my 40 weeks of pregnancy. It's going and every time I brush my hair, clean the floors, or change my outfits, I am reminded of it. [Sigh] On my part, the shedding does come to an end (one may hope so), though I never feel that is really true for the animals.
Well, and then the boys: it had rained last night and early in the morning. David had left early, but hadn't closed the laundry door properly, so the dogs had taken the liberty of letting themselves in. I woke up to muddy dog paw prints through the entire house! Last but not least there was my sweet & energetic toddler: right after breakfast was done, Sesame Street and Curious George were watched, he HAD to go outside. It wasn't the "I would like to go outside", but rather the "If you don't let me go outside NOW my world will come to an end!!!!" So, to keep the peace, I let him outside. Yes, and then he came back in. And went back out to go down the wet slide and land in the mud puddle at the bottom. Oh,and he came back in. You get the picture. That combined with the paw prints...get the idea? (Oh, by the way, this was after I had cleaned the floors.)

Long story short: some things just don't stop. Laundry, animal hair, contents of my garden on my light flooring, only being a few examples. There are many more that I could write about, but I won't. I'm gonna kick back, pour myself a cuppa tea and watch some American Idol. On purpose ignoring my floors. It's dark, I am not going to notice. Tomorrow is another day.

May 13, 2010

As a mom you never want to see your children get hurt. It is in our instincts to protect them and keep them from falling in every way possible and yet we sometimes have to let them do their thing - even if it results in them doing that thing we want to keep from happening: going flat on their face. When I was pregnant with Kai, it had always been my intention to raise him with a certain amount of resilience. And believe me, it was hard (and I mean HARD) to not give a kick when he tripped and fell for the first time, when he wasn't looking and walked straight into the bookcase, when he tripped over the little step between the kitchen and the laundry room. As Kai got older, this got easier and easier and even though these days I have become pretty stoic as he trips, falls or stumbles, it doesn't change the fact that I as a mother I don't want to see my child get hurt - one way or another. So here we go: David is throwing the ball for Buster, Kai enjoys running after Buster, pretending to chase him. Then it happened: he trips and does a face plant on the concrete pavers. There were the few seconds of silence and then ... full volume! He had scraped the area under his nose and busted his lip, which swell up in no-time. The poor kid was besides himself. Kisses and a sippy with milk helped start the healing process, one that was aided by Finding Nemo and eventually some yogurt (and of course tons of hugs and cuddles). Kai's lesson today: concrete isn't very forgiving.

May 13, 2010

Being a mom is so incredibly fascinating: for the past several nights I have continued to make anywhere between 4-8 trips into Ryder's room nightly to soothe, re-swaddle, 're-pop' the paci, change a diaper, help fall asleep - you name it, I've done it (except feeding as Ryder luckily doesn't need to eat anymore during the night). After several of these nights in a row, during which sleep happened for me in intervals of no longer than an hour, I am exhausted; my body aches, I have a headache, cramps and am just feeling 'blah' (for a lack of a better description). You would expect that the last thing I would want to have happen is to continue my little trips into the nursery during the daytime. Don't get me wrong, I would rather not and I'd prefer Ryder took a good long nap to catch up on what he lacked during the night, but when I was on my way home from having visited a friend of mine who had had her little girl this past weekend and David told me that Ryder had been waking up and crying a lot, I realized that there was a part of me that was looking forward to taking that little munchkin in my arms, sitting down with him in the glider and soothing him until he would fall asleep in my arms.

When I walked through the door, I was welcomed by Ryder screaming and David flustered, yet relieved about my arrival. Despite having 2 kids now and having had my fair share of crying / screaming and squealing, it sometimes still is a mystery why they cry or are so upset to the point that you think their world has come to an end for them. And sometimes you just give up trying to figure it out and accept that they 'just cry'. This was one of those moments. I could contribute it to so many things, but it's not even worth it as that list is just too long.
Obviously, those first few minutes upon entering the room weren't that enjoyable: crying, squirming and pushing - no, not my idea of enjoying motherhood, but what usually follows is just amazing. There is nothing better than holding your baby in your arms, watching him get comfortable, relaxing and eventually falling asleep. No matter how sleep deprived I am, no matter how badly I should be taking a nap, I give that all up in an instance in order to feel the warmth of my baby on my chest, to hear the soothing sound of his breathing and to just observe and enjoy this precious little 'being'.

I have to admit that pretty much every day I look forward to the children taking their nap: kids asleep = mommy being productive. 'Cause let's fact it: on an average day the 2 hours that they are both down and the few hours after they go down for the night are the only hours that mama can really do stuff. Unfortunately, those few hours are just not enough to make it through my never-ending list of to-do's. In the beginning I would find myself get slightly bothered when, during nap time, one or both of the children wasn't taking their nap 'as they were supposed to'. It meant that I wasn't getting my stuff done. It's hard when you see your to-do list grow and grow and you are aware that the amount of time that you have in which to complete this ever growing list of 'to do's' is so very limited. Then, when those few hours get reduced even more because one or both of them aren't napping, it is easy to become irritated, annoyed, upset, whatever you want to call it. However, when I reflect on the past 2 years AND these past 3 months in particular, I have come to the conclusion that nothing is more important than taking that moment (or that hour for that matter) to soothe my baby, sit with him in the glider and just admire his beautiful chubby face while he relaxes and finally falls asleep (again). These moments are limited. They are gone before I know it and when they are, I will wonder "where did they go? What happened to my baby and where all of a sudden did this toddler come from?" I want to cherish these moments and have decided that no matter how much time I spend on my 'to-do' list, it continues to get longer and longer anyways. Instead, I want to soak up these moments of togetherness with my baby boy, because before I know it, my baby isn't a baby anymore.

May 9, 2010 (Mother's Day)

As a mother I am every day reminded of the beautiful and gratifying job I have. Most of the time I truly love being a mother, but occasionally it is oh so nice to get a break. And that break was Mother's Day for me. Ryder has taken over Kai's cold and baby & cold are like water & oil - they just don't mix. 2 nights ago, I was up every hour: as I entered my bedroom at midnight to go to sleep, Ryder woke up. I had to go in to his room and soothe him. This happened again at 2:30, 3:35, 4:20, 5:15 & 6:30 at which point I just stayed up. Sigh... It's a shame I don't drink coffee, as it would have been great that morning. Luckily he is starting to feel better now, but Mother's Day, and all that came with it, was a very welcome distraction.

For me, Mother's Day actually started the day before. In the morning, we dropped the kids off at the godparents' house. Kai was incredibly excited to go over there and on the way over could not stop talking about "Nini", "Mak" & "Maisy". It is just so darn cute to see him get so excited about visiting them. Clara was going to watch the bebe's, while the adults went out to take a work out class with Michael's personal trainer. I am going out on a limb here, but oh, it was good to get my butt kicked for that hour. I almost felt the pounds falling off my lovely hips. The workout was so good that afterwards we went for sushi - yummmyyy! Hey, we were told to up our protein intake that day, so sushi sounded like it fell right in line with that advice. That night, a friend of David's came over to bring us dinner. She had offered that right after Ryder was born, but it had never happened, so Mother's Day weekend was the weekend and we had a lovely dinner, without having to do anything for it.

Then...Mother's Day arrived! Maybe the best part of the day was the sleeping in. 11:00am people!!! I do NOT remember the last time i slept until 11, but it sure reminded me that I would love to do this more often. Oh my goodness, it was pure heaven to lightly wake up and just turn over, knowing the kids were okay and I could just stay in bed. Sigh...as I said: heaven. Breakfast in bed followed. Another treat! My day was off to a fabulous start. With breakfast came 3 cards - one from each of my boys AND 3 gift certificates to the massage place that lately has become David and my favorite: Foot Inspiration. One of those certificates was going to be redeemed that afternoon as David had booked me a 2pm massage. Did I say 'heaven'?
The rest of the day was spent in more relaxation: not doing anything, hanging with my boyz and making dinner with David. There is something so enjoyable about cooking with my hubby and sipping a cocktail while the kiddo's are entertained by one of the Pixar movies. Lovely. The day came to an end with putting the boys to bed and spending the eve with David, curled up on the sofa watching some TV. A nice and relaxing ending to a perfectly relaxing Mother's Day.

May 2, 2010

There isn't enough laughter in this world. Every time I turn on the TV, the news brings sadness: oil spills, plane crashes, terrorist attacks, murder, other varieties of violence, countries going bankrupt, and the list goes on and on. This is largely why I hardly watch the news. If I sat down on a daily basis to absorb all this misery, I would be on anti-depressants in no-time (and I doubt they would work). So, I choose not to watch the news. Some may call me 'ignorant', I consider myself 'a lot less stressed' because of it. Maybe the new way to go is to invent something in the direction of the 'Happy News'. It would certainly put our world in a different perspective and it might even uplift our spirits. Really, there is not just bad news in the world, there is good news as well. Unfortunately, according to 'ratings' (WHATEVER!) that is just considered not as exciting. See, and that's where I think we are wrong: good news is a heck-of-a-lot more exciting than bad news. Really, tell me: why would I sit down for 20 minutes and be reminded of this horrible society we seem to live in? In my mind our society isn't that horrible at all. Yes, it has it flaws, it DEFINITELY has flaws, but overall, we seem to overlook all the good there is going on in the world today.

One of those things (in my little world) may not be newsworthy to the other (according to the US Census Bureau) 6,820,799,999 global residents, but to me (the 6,820,800,000th one) it was a big thing: Ryder's first laugh. And what a delightful sound that was. There truly is no better sound than that of a child laughing. It warms my heart and it reminded me that we should hear more of it in this world.

Let me digress for a moment: Kai has been fascinated (no, that's not the right word...yes, I have it: obsessed) with Thomas the Tank Engine movies and the Pixar movies Cars & Finding Nemo (we only just got started on building our Pixar library). He has seen each movie enough to know what's happening in the next scene and is sharing it in his own delightful (and overly excited) way with all who are present in the room. This time that happened to be Ryder and me. Ryder is observing Kai more and more these days (something that is good and bad at the same time). He was sitting on my knees, eyes fixated on Kai who was delighted about Thomas fixing Hiro and Spencer getting stuck in the mud. All of a sudden, there it was: Kai's comment (I don't remember what it was) and Ryder's laugh. They took turns: Kai commenting, Ryder laughing, Kai commenting, Ryder laughing. I know that to others this may not seem like a big deal, but anyone who has kids, knows what it feels like - to hear your child laugh for the very first time.

The sound of a child laughing - it is absolutely precious. Luckily I am graced with that precious gift on a daily basis. I just wish we all were, as it would remind us that in a world where there is so much sadness, our focus should maybe shift a little in the direction of the good and the happiness around us. it would make the world a better place - one laugh at a time.

April 30, 2010

Maybe last week's bumpy sleeping road was the eye of the storm. For the last week Ryder has been sleeping through the night. Well, kinda: he doesn't need to drink anymore. He does still wake up once or twice, but he falls right back to sleep when I pop in to give him his paci. Just lovely. I still get up in the middle of the night to pump, as I want to build a good stash in the freezer for later times.

Since last Sunday, Kai has had the sniffles and a runny nose which over the coarse of the week has developed into a cold. Yesterday he added the runs to that - oh joy....:-0 Luckily he doesn't seem too bothered by it, although the runs are giving him a rash, so this afternoon I think I am going to let him run around naked in the yard. I have to admit, I hate the phase that he is in right now. Hate it with a passion. This is unrelated to his current 'condition', but for the past several weeks, changing his diaper has been an absolute nightmare. Every time I ask him if he needs a change, he turns it into a 'catch me if you can' game and once I win that game (and yes, I do every time), he will go kicking and screaming (literally). At the moment I am going blind as to how to deal with it, but I hope I figure it out fast as he is really testing my limits. (I guess this is where our children teach us...sigh...)

As good brothers do, Kai also decided to share with Ryder...his cold!!! Ugh. Last night Ryder started to have a runny nose, so now we have 2 colds in the household. I am sure they are the first of many to come, but in the meantime that doesn't take away the challenge now.

I know I have said this before, but one of the best parts of the day these days is rocking with Ryder in the glider. He loves to be held and cuddled with and I am more than happy to provide that. Kai never liked (and still doesn't like) to cuddle and hug, so mama is glad to be getting her fix. There truly is nothing better than after a busy morning / day to sit down with my baby and have him get all comfortable in my arms, snuggle with me and slowly see him close his eyes as he falls asleep. Ah, I hope he will continue to love to cuddle as it is something I certainly cannot get enough of.

April 22, 2010

Today I am convinced that the Sleep Gods are conspiring against me and are using my children as a medium to do so. Last night Ryder was up crying several times late inthe evening, until I found myself waking up in his rocker with him in my arms at 1:15am. I was able to successfully transfer him to his crib and got a few hours of zzz's before he woke up again at 3:30am - hungry. While David fed him, I pumped and ended up rocking him to sleep. I think I got back to bed around 4:15am, only for Kai to wake up at freakin' 6:00am... I took the kids to the park as Kai obviously had waaayyy too much energy which I hoped he would lose at the park. He did a pretty good job at that and fell asleep right after I put him down for his nap. Ryder had been up most of the morning, so I figured I would hav ea good chance of getting a decent nap myself... Long story short: Kai is still asleep, Ryder fell asleep at 3:00pm, in my arms in the glider. It's now 4:30pm and my neck and back are stiff from sleeping with him on my tummy in the glider...

April 21, 2010

I am almost certain that Ryder is going through a his 12-week growth spurt (though a week early). He is eating more than I thought an 11-week old can process and the other chunk of time when he's not eating, he wants to sleep. Sounds like a classic growth spurt to me. This boy is serious about catching up with his brother!

I am still experimenting with the type of formula to supplement with. With the Enfamil AR he had a lot of cramps yesterday, so I am slowly going to finish that, knowing that this is not the formula right for him. I now switched to the 'general' Enfamil and hope that that will work.

Good god, that boy is cute (if I may say so). He is just absolutely freakin' adorable: there are lots of smiles, coos and he LOVES his bath. He started splashing in the bath and is loving it when drops hit his face (I know, weird, but he seems to like it). It is so cute to see. The best thing is to see his face light up with a big smile when he sees me and we connect. I can totally get lost in his eyes - god I love that boy.

Yesterday I went to Christian Nursery School with Kai to sit in the class that he would be enrolling in come September. Honestly, I wasn't too excited about it and now I am stressed as I really don't know where to send him. At CNS he is #4 on the waiting list. I am surprised to see how pre-schools run their admissions policy though: there are no deadlines for those who are 'in' and the approach is "if we don't hear from the parents, they are confirmed", which leaves the people on the waiting list in the dark for a long time. Most likely he will start at Joyce's. He is in there and despite some of the less favorable information I heard through the mommy group, I have decided that this is a good place for Kai to start. We spent the morning there this morning and he seemed to enjoy it more than at CNS. He participated in an art project and made his own smiley earth in celebration of Earth Day tomorrow. Very cute.

April 17, 2010

And the weekend was off with a good start: last night I got to enjoy my first Mom's Night Out after the arrival of Ryder. I had almost forgotten how nice it was to spend some time with girlfriends without the interruption of "Mommy, Snack!!" or some other sort of demand. Don't get me wrong: I LOVE my kids (and husband), but once in a while it is nice to leave the boys at home, pull the door shut behind me and have some 'me time' without having to worry about the kids. Given that this was the first time for David to be alone with the kids and put them to bed, the worries weren't completely left behind, but enough to be able to enjoy an evening out with girlfriends. Dinner at PF Chang's it was. AND cocktails...yummy!!

When home and exchanging stories with David, I realized that it turned out well for both of us, until...David mentioned that I had forgotten to move the camera for the baby monitor from the nursery (where Ryder naps) to our room (where he sleeps at night) before I left. I said I would do it and was convinced I had, but I apparently I hadn't...resulting in confusion for David as to where to put Ryder down for the night. He opted for the nursery...it broke my heart!!! Allow me to explain: Ryder sleeping in his crib in the nursery and doing well with it (no tears, no waking up, nothing, just being the perfect baby in his crib) meant that the was ready to make the transition from sleeping in the co-sleeper in our room to his own room. Great for him! Yeah! Not great for mama - I was just not ready for that yet!!! Despite knowing that we would all sleep better, I just wasn't ready for the realization that also this baby grows up fast. It was similar to the feeling I had when Kai popped his first tooth and he wasn't the 'gummy baby' anymore. Sigh...

Now the question remains: what will I do tonight. As of yet, I haven't figured it out. On one hand I am happy that he made the transition so smoothly (Kai was a challenge to move into his own room when he was 4 months), but again, I feel that it all got dropped too suddenly on me and am just not ready yet...

April 16, 2010

This is one of those weekends that I am absolutely delighted that it has arrived. Not because the week was so busy or difficult, but simply because I really feel that I have a chance to "unwind" this weekend. David was in Las Vegas this week for 2 days and 2 nights, which meant that for the first time, I was flying solo with the 2 boys. It was challenging but overall we made it through real well. The mornings and evenings are the most challenging as both boys have a series of needs at the same time, so there was some juggling involved, but we made it through. As I didn't expect David to return home before midnight Thursday night, it was a pleasant surprise when he showed up at 7:30pm. Kai was absolutely delighted to see papa again, so the two of them snuggled on the sofa and watched Kai's newest obsession 'Finding Nemo' until I was done putting Ryder down. After Kai had gone to bed, I made ourselves some killer lychee martini's, which knocked our socks off, but which made for a relaxing eve filled with laughter.

This weekend is the perfect ending of a busy week. Last night I saw a picture of a girlfriend of mine (Laura) and her son Anthony on Facebook in the poppie fields out toward Lancaster. It was so beautiful that I decided to go there today. So...today we went out to Lancaster. We met up with another friend of mine, Jen, and her family at Starbucks for a coffee. After that, David, Kai, Ryder and I continued to the poppie fields. They were gorgeous, just stunning! It was a welcome distraction for Kai who (I think) was going a bit stir crazy at home. He needed to get out.

He is such a 'toddler' and all that that entails. It is all about testing our limits and pushing the bounderies. "What is allowed, what is not and how far can I go?" It sometimes drives me up the wall, but I guess it comes with the territory of having kids. His newest obsession is the movie 'Finding Nemo'. We started watching it the day after David left for Vegas and by now he already is telling me what is going to happen in the next scene. Oh oh...

The other day I bought him some summer clothes, among which a T-shirt that says "My favorite color is...DIRT" and it is so incredibly appropriate: on Thursday he was determined to go outside, despite my warnings that it was going to be wet as the sprinklers had been on earlier that morning. At one point he called me over and wanted to show off going down the slide. Picture this: wet slide, with a puddle of water at the bottom part of it, followed by a big mud puddle and my son going down it on his belly, feet first. He went down so fast that when his feet hit the ground, his body kept going and he fell smack in the middle of the mud puddle. Needless to say: Mama did some laundry that afternoon :-)

And then there are the moments that will always stick with your parents. Moments that will turn into storie when you're older. This is one: after dinner one evening, he wanted to go outside, but he wasn't wearing his shoes. They were on the counter in his room, so I told him "they are in your room Kai. Go get them."

ryder: sleeping through the night, more and more smiles

kai: . looking up story. big poop story.

April 10, 2010

Last week I actually found myself delighted one evening when I realized that I was able to take a shower...the first one in 3 days!!!! I have come to the realization that on a daily basis, I have about 2.5 hours in which I: clean, do laundry, iron, tidy, and do simple things such as wrapping gifts for a shower / birthday, make phone calls, do book keeping, attempt to make notes so I can write this journal...and these are just a few things. Cooking, groceries, and such are not included and happen with the kids. Notice things missing?? Right, those are the things that on an average day I just don’t get to, and this includes taking a shower. Once every other day is a treat, so go figure how I felt last week when I took the aforementioned shower and was able to wash my hair. Right...in HEAVEN!!!!

Speaking of ‘heaven’ reminds me of the fact that this year, we once again will be having a Moms’ Weekend Out (MWO) with our mommy group. Oh my...how I am looking forward to that! This year’s MWO will be in Santa Barbara. We’ll be renting a house again and the weekend will be filled with wine tasting, spa treatments, cocktails, lounging by the pool, dinners and lots of fun playing our favorite ‘Mafia’ Game. I simply cannot put into words how much I am looking forward to it. I’m counting days (see the ticker on the top of this page).

Yesterday was an amazing day: it started out with me spending the night on an air mattress in the office – a night of (almost) uninterrupted sleep, except for pumping at 4am. Ryder sleeps in the co-sleeper next to our bed and is an extremely noisy sleeper who grunts, sniffles and moans the whole night through. Whereas David can sleep through pretty much everything and therefore isn’t the least bothered by the noises that Ryder makes, my eyes spring open and I am wide awake every time Ryder sniffles or changes position. Needless to say, this makes for restless nights and results in a slow onset of sleep deprivation and exhaustion. A good night’s sleep was a welcome treat (similarly to the shower) and was very much enjoyed on my part. David and Ryder made it through the night okay as well without too many difficulties, so I am hoping we can make this a weekly event as it does Mama a lot of good.
The afternoon that followed was lovely as well: both boys took long naps, which allowed me to get some things done around the house and to actually get a nap in. The weather was gorgeous, so I was able to read a bit and eventually fell asleep on the lounge chairs on the deck. Lovely.
And then...there was the evening. As dinner was in the oven, about to be served, David’s friend Jon called with the question if we wanted to go see a show at the Staples Center later on. His friend was performing and he had 2 tickets, but he himself wasn’t able to go. So...if we wanted to go? As David started explaining that we would love to, but couldn’t because of baby sitting issues, he realized Jon hadn't mentioned who was performing other than 'his friend'. When Jon answered “Michael Bublé” and David (surprised) repeated the name, my eyes almost popped out of my head and I almost lost it: Jon had tickets to see Michael Bublé and was wanting to give them to us?!?!?! The show was starting at 8pm. At that time it was 6:30pm....Long story short: 45 minutes later Julie was here to look after the kids, Kai had been fed, everything for bedtime for both boys had been put to make things as easy for Julie as possible, David and I had changed outfits and with a bottle of water, a banana and 2 cookies in our pocket, we had jumped in the car to drive over to Hollywood to pick up the tickets from Jon to then proceed to the Staples Center Downtown. The show was AWESOME!!!! The show was sold out, which meant that there were more people (20,000) than live in my home town. I don’t even remember the last time I went to a concert, so this was such an amazing experience. The show was great, Michael Bublé is an awesome performer and our seats....were 10 rows removed from the stage. Rockin’ awesome!!! I can't wait for him to return to LA as I would go again in a heart beat. If you're reading this and he is going to visit your area for his 'Crazy Love' tour, I totally recommend you go see him. It is worth it!

So, what’s up with the kids? Today, on my way back from a quick trip to Target, Kai clocked for the first time that he could see and connect with me through the rear view mirror in the car. As soon as his eyes met mine, he got a big ole’ grin on his face and said “Peekaboo!” Other than that, we finished opening our Easter eggs today. A sad day in the life of a 2-year old toddler. The past week has been filled with “egg” / “Kai egg” / “open egg” or any variation on these 3 exclamations. Each time, we would take the easter basket down from the top of the fridge and let him open 1-2 eggs at a time. The smart little man, would shake each egg, putting back the ones with money (coins) or stickers (no sound) and continuing the quest for those with candy. Very cute to observe I have to admit. Today marked the day of the last egg, so now we have to go on to something new. And though I don’t know what that ‘something new’ will be, I am sure we will figure it out before not too long.

Ryder is doing well. He has started to nap better as the past few days he napped for a couple of hours in the afternoon. Nice! He is on 2-3 naps a day: a shorter one in the morning, usually while we are out, or sometimes in his crib. A longer one in the early afternoon and then sometimes a short one later in the afternoon in either the swing or the carrier. I spoke with the pediatrician’s nurse yesterday who suggested Enfamil AR as a formula for him. It’s a bit thicker with rice meal added to it, so it should be reducing spit-ups and whatnot. We’ll try it today. Similarly to Kai, he is a real water baby. He LOVES his bath, which has now become a set part of his bedtime routine. He loves it and no matter how ready he is to eat, as soon as that little tushy touches the water, he gets the biggest smile on his face. Delightful!

Over the past week, I have been working on upping my milk production a bit: Mother’s Milk Tea is actually quite tasty. In addition, I am taking some supplements AND I have been baking (and enjoying) the so-called ‘Lactation Cookies’. Yes, there is such a thing and they are delicious! They’re basically oatmeal chocolate chip cookies made with flaxseed meal, brewers yeast and a ton of whole grain rolled oats. They are absolutely to die for and even David can’t stay away from them. His response to them: “Do they have crack in them or what?? I can’t stop eating them!” They are indeed somewhat addictive, but hey, on my part, all I can say is “I’m eating them as it is good for my baby!” Almost like “Doctor’s orders”. Gosh - ‘Lactation Cookies’, never knew they even existed - what a great excuse to indulge!!!! :-)

April 6, 2010

For a week you are not able to pick up the 'pen' and then, once you do, you don't know where to start. That's where I am at the moment.

Ryder has celebrated his first holiday: Easter. The past week was filled with play dates and Easter Egg Hunts and it was so much fun! Though Ryder spent most of it in the carrier on my chest being asleep, Kai enjoyed himself very much. After the first egg hunt, he had the concept down and as of that moment, he would become an easter egg vaccuum, picking up eggs left and right, shaking them to check for content and putting them in his basket. Once home, he would not leave them alone and bug either me or daddy with the constant request to "open eggs". We are wisely spreading that activity out over several weeks, considering the massive amounts of eggs the kid came home with.

On Friday we were invited to an egg hunt over at Michael & Nina's. Kai had a blast playing with the older kids (Maisy and her friends), once again hunting for eggs and opening them. Daddy had invented the 'easter monkey' who had actually stuffed the eggs with banana. Not a very 'sexy' idea for us, but it worked for Kai who joyously opened each egg and in all excitement shared the fact that there was "Maan" (his word for 'banana') in the eggs to then stuff his mouth full with the fruit. All that, while we adults enjoyed a lovely glass (or two) of champagne.

Saturday night we had dinner guests and Sunday Danny, Amy, Melia and Danny's brother came over for Easter brunch. It worked out that Ryder was asleep, Kai & Melia were cuddled up on our bed, watching a movie, so the adults were able to enjoy our brunch. Watching the kiddo's hunt for eggs in the backyard was just the most fun part of the day. They were so excited and at times just didn't know where to go or where to look. Very cute.

Aside from hunting for eggs, Kai is doing well. We have arrived at the point where pretty much everything goes for dinner, as long as it is dipped in ketchup. David rightfully said the other day "he would eat a rock if it was dipped in ketchup" - I am afraid David was right. But hey, it works and this way it reduces me having to cook 2 meals. Works for mama!

Furthermore, he is being a typical toddler. Happy most of the time, but at times very strongly challenging the bounderies (and with that our limits). It is indeed challenging, but overall, I think things are going well. I started reading the book 'Unconditional Parenting' by Alfie Kohn. The beginning was surprising as his stand on certain parenting decisions / approaches are very different from ours. I did continue reading, but as I went along, I got more and more annoyed. Not with the fact that he and I apparently disagree on certain aspects, but more about the tone with which he conveyed his perspective. It caused me to skip to the 'solutions' part of the book - the 2nd half. Now here is where the information becomes insightful and helpful. I am actually enjoying the read and am able to get some things out of it.

Ryder is following right in Kai's footsteps. He had been much more fussy over the past few days then he had been before. Initially I thought it was another 2-week period as I strongly believe that at this age one has a different baby every 2 weeks. Until yesterday, when there was a little voice in my head that suggested to weigh him before and after a feeding. The other part of the message was to have a bottle with expressed milk ready in case he is still hungry. So, I followed the 'little voice' and discovered that over the course of the nursing session, he had consumed 4 oz. of milk. And then it came to me....4 feedings a day and a short one during the night (during which he may consume approx. 2 oz.), gets him to only 18 oz. a day, which is 6 oz. less than the recommended amount for a baby!!! The kid had been hungry! Oh, I felt so bad... Ryder proceeded to consume another 3.5 oz. out of the bottle, which put the total to 7.5 oz. for that meal. There was the solution: I had to start supplementing. So, today I went down to the store and bought formula, so I could start adding to his meals. I will continue to breast feed Ryder, but after each session, I will offer him a bottle to make sure he takes in enough calories. That way he still gets the anti-bodies and all the other good stuff out of the breast milk, but he also gets the satisfaction of an actual full stomach...yes, we have another vigorous eater on our hands. It's official. I am curious to see what his weight is going to do over the next week, but I have a suspicion that it will shoot up. On one hand I feel bad that he wasn't getting enough, but on the other hand I am incredibly relieved that the solution to his fussiness was this simple and did not have anything to do with him not being able to tolerate my milk / having stomach issues / etc.

Naps have been very challenging though. Every day it is a gamble of whether or not Ryder will sleep. I had a doctor's appointment yesterday and while I was gone, Ryder slept in short periods of 10 minutes before the crying would start again. Now that we have a new 'nutritional' plan, I hope that the naps will increase as well. As far as sleeping at night though, he has been great. Last week I started with the 'sleep training' program that I used with Kai as well. I am not yet talking about teaching him to fall asleep by himself, but I am talking about eliminating the night time feedings. The book that I am using is great: 'The Baby Sleep Solution' and the process basically consists of 4 steps. I started with step 1 last week, and after the first day, he went from 7:30pm - 2:30am without needing to nurse. A beautiful thing! These days he goes from 7:30pm - 4:00am, so one of these days I am going to move on to try to eliminate that 4am session, to see if we can go through the night. It's an exciting prospect :-)

On Easter sunday (April 4), he shared his first laugh with me: it was wonderful, though I am not sure if I can count it as a real laugh. He laughed as he was asleep in my arms, right before I put him down for a nap. It was a real laugh, loud and long and it made me wonder what he was dreaming about. Other than that, he just smiles, but oh my goodness, those smiles are to die for! They absolutely melt my heart. It is the best thing ever. I swear that when those boys realize what their smiles and cuteness does to us, both David and I are in deep, very deep trouble.

As far as David and I are concerned, things are going well. We both are battling some serious back aches from lifting up and carrying the kids around. I am very much looking forward to the day that I can go for a seriously good back massage as I feel that is desperately necessary. Until then the excercise ball and stretching on the ground will have to suffice.

Last week I had a game night at Laura's house. It was great to hang out with a group of mommies, play our traditional 'Mafia' game and have some good conversations and laughs. Laura was reading a book that she was very excited about and passed around: 'The Simple Living Guide' by Janet Luhrs. It basically talks about simplifying your life in different areas, varying from houshold matters, to preparing for holidays, to clutter, to gardening, to money. I ordered it on Amazon and it is sitting here in my desk - waiting to be devoured and applied. First I want to finish the 'Unconditional Parenting' book and then I am moving on to this one. I am excited and curious to find out what I will get out of it. Especially since I seriously could use some simplifying in my life at the moment.

Being 9 weeks into having 2 kids, I have to say that it is a lot of work and I have to agree that 2 children is more than double the amount of work from 1. Simple things like taking a shower or going to the bathroom are things that I am 'scheduling' these days. It sounds silly, but I have to, or it simply won't happen. Getting out the door is a project that requires some serious preparation the evening prior to the outing, as otherwise there is no chance of me being on time. That chance has already been seriously reduced, but if I don't have my bags ready to go, getting ready with a baby and a toddler is way too much to tackle in the morning. Having said all that, I never thought I would enjoy being a mom as much as I do. No, let me put it otherwise: I absolutely LOVE it. It is the best thing in the world. Ever since I went on maternity leave in December my relationship with Kai has changed so much. We have gotten so much closer and it is such a wonderful thing. Last night when David had put him down he was asking for me, but as I was putting Ryder down I wasn't available to come in. Once Ryder was down, about 15 minutes later, he was still awake, so I sneaked into his room to kiss him good night. As soon as he saw me he exclaimed with a sigh "Mommmmiiieeeee!!" and gave me the biggest hug and kiss good night. Then he cuddled up with this animals and when I told him I loved him, he actually mumbled something in the direction of "I love you" back. Sigh...
Both boys have helped me realize that there is no better thing than being a mother. Every day they discover new things, either with or without my help and it is a wonderful thing to witness. I truly treasure these days as I realize that these days of Ryder being an infant and Kai being a young toddler are unique - tomorrow they'll be different again and I want to do everything I can to absorb every moment as they are moments to treasure.

March 30, 2010

As a mother, you always think that your baby / child is perfect (and I am no different), but tonight Ryder felt perfect as I was rocking him to sleep. So perfect and so right and before I knew it, tears were streaming down my face. Words cannot describe what it felt like other than "perfect" and it was one of those moments that I wish I could bottle. It certainly was one of those moments that I will treasure for the rest of my life. The bedtime routine as I established it over the past week didn't start any different from normal: Ryder loves his bath, after which I massaged him with calming 'night time' lotion. I swaddled him and nursed him, after which he lay down in my arms and fell asleep. As he was laying there, it just felt perfect: the way his head felt in my arms, his body against mine, the sound of his peaceful breathing, his delicious baby scent and as I watched him fall asleep it really hit me: this was perfection. It was peace and trust. This tiny human being completey trusted me and felt peaceful enough to fall asleep in my arms. He depends on me - not only for nutrition and clothing, but for comfort, for a sense of security, for belonging. This tiny boy has chosen me to be his mother and what a blessing it is! It was a moment that I wish could last forever.

For the 2nd time around, this is the best thing that ever happened to me. These boys just make me so incredibly happy and I just cannot put into words how fortunate I am to be their mother. To be that person who they trust and come to when they trip and scrape their knee, to be that person who they cuddle with while watching 'Thomas', to be that person in whose arms they fall asleep. I wish these moments last forever...they mean so much to me and are the perfect example of 'happiness'.

March 27, 2010

How things can change in just a few days...

On the sleeping front Ryder is doing so much better. After having napped in his crib in the nursery for 30 minutes yesterday, he took a long nap (2+ hour) this afternoon in there. Yippeeeee!!!! Last night was another milestone: the first time that he went 5 hours and 45 minutes between 2 feedings - allowing mommy to go out and have a game night with her girlfriends - which was lovely :-)

Over the past few days I have been keeping a log on Ryder's days, following his cues as to whether he wants to eat / sleep / needs to be changed. It makes so much more sense when you actually put it on paper and compare the days with each other - I really am starting to see a pattern. I'm looking forward to talking to our pediatrician this week at Ryder's 2-month well-visit to see what she has to say about it.

With Easter around the corner, we started having egg hunts at play dates. Kai had his first real egg hunt yesterday and he loved it! He really got the idea, which was awesome to see. We'll be having more of them this week and of course next Sunday on Easter, we'll have our own egg hunt here at home. Amy, Danny & Melia are coming over for brunch. I am excited to see the lil' ones go hunt for their treasures.

March 24, 2010

I have a 7-week old baby who thinks that napping is completely overrated...and it is driving me crazy!! Okay, so yesterday after a lot of swaddling frustrations, it came to me...check out the website of the Miracle Blanket and make sure you're doing it right...right...that's when it all became clear: I wasn't. Duh... I swear, I am currently functioning on less than 25% of my original brain cell count...my boys have conviscated them all... Anyways, now that I have learned (once again) how to correctly swaddle my baby, he's not getting out anymore...yet, he ain't sleeping either...ugh. Today he napped for 20 minutes, that was all!!! Seriously, you've got to be kidding me!!! Despite the beautiful flowers and chocolate that David brought home to cheer me up, I feel like I'm largely going at this whole routine and sleeping thing alone. You know, how sometimes it's easier to do something yourself, rather than explain someone else to then have them help you? That's where I'm at with Ryder. I have tried so many different things, there are so many different elements to keep in mind that I'd rather continue experimenting myself, yet at the same time I hate the feeling of trying to "re-invent the wheel" all by myself. I know, it doesn't make sense.

However, on that note I do want to point out that I am so incredibly happy with my close circle of mommy friends - 20 moms to email and ask advice from. 20 moms to remind me that all this is normal and also these days will pass...

March 22, 2010

Ryder is 7 weeks old today and weighs in at a beautiful 13 lbs. 13-1/2 oz. Did someone say "big boy"?

In the meantime, I have come to the conclusion that I seem to be incapable of swaddling my baby. Over the past weekend I have tried: The Halo Sleepsack - not working. The 'Swaddle Me' blanket - not working. The Muslin cloth - not working. Last night I was up (yes I, not David) pretty much every 25 minutes as my beautiful Ryder had 'houdini-ed' himself out of his swaddle and woke himself up by flailing his arms around. Needless to say, mama was pretty exhausted this morning when it was time to 'rise and shine'. Let's say I rose, but lacked the shine.

This morning we had a play date at Catie & Madison's. It was a lovely morning. Nice to get out of the house, see Kai and Madison play together and hang out with Catie, while catching up and kicking back. As I said before, I am so happy to have found such great friends. Don't know what I would do without them.

After last night, it was a very easy decision to lay down with Ryder around nap time this afternoon. Kai, Ryder and I all got a good nap in, while David was out on auditions. Lovely. Ryder seems to be going through a growth spurt (again). He slept pretty much the entire day and when he was awake, he was hungry and eating. Tonight before bedtime, I actually had to give him a bottle with pumped milk from the freezer as the milk bar was "sold out" of the Liquid Gold. I started on "upping" the production and hope that it will kick in soon.

March 21, 2010

The weekend went by way too fast. Yesterday was great. David and I actually had a night out and celebrated Jackie's 40th birthday 80's style!!! OMG, it was hilarious!! Amy was sweet enough to come over and look after Kai - who got incredibly excited upon her arrival. He hadn't napped, so that combine with the excitement of Amy coming over, made for a pretty tired boy at the end of the evening. Nina was looking after Ryder, who apparently slept the entire evening on their sofa. When we picked him up, she told us that she and Oliver actually had considered waking him, so they had a chance to play with him - Hahaha!!! I was so pleased that he did so well with them - a big relief.

Speaking of which, Ryder is a completely different baby these days. The Zantac really started working and overall (except for this very moment, as he still is not asleep and this time David is in to soothe him) he is so much calmer and happier. This week he really started smiling and it absolutely warms my heart to the point that it brings tears in my eyes when he looks at me and gives me a big smile 'o love. Oh, it melts my heart. He is very much a mama's boy: calms down in my arms, loves to cuddle with me and is just a snuggle bug. If it were up to him, he would sleep in my arms or on my chest the entire night. He really seems to be doing better and although the reflux is still there, it has gotten a lot better and he seems to be in less pain. There is still the occasional pain attack and crying spell, but it's far less frequent than before. This week I changed pacifiers and got a type that seems to stay in his mouth better. They really seem to aide with the reflux as well.

When Kai was a newborn / baby, we swaddled him for a while, cause afterall...that's what you do, right? I remember that when we were in Europe when Kai was 3 months old, we made the transition of swaddling him with his arms out, as he managed to constantly get out of the swaddle. No matter how tight we wrapped him up, he managed to get out. Well, Ryder is the same way. However, he 'Houdinies' himself out of the swaddle already. The Miracle Blanket, which worked wonders with Kai, is a easy swaddle to get out of for him. I bought the 'Swaddle Me' blanket, which we tried out...20 minutes...that was all he needed to get out :-0 I ended up buying the Halo Sleepsack with the swaddle function and it seems to work, although he has also managed to get out of this one already. I wonder how long he lasts being swaddled. I think that as soon as he gains control over his arms, we'll take the arms out as it sure will make for an easier night for me. After a night of getting up every 45 minutes-1 hour (seriously!!) I had had enough and I made it my goal to find a way to wrap him up and keep him wrapped up as I was going bonkers!!

Today was a lovely day. In the morning we Skyped with Opa & Oma after which we went out and spent the morning with the 4 of us at the model aircraft airfield. I think David and I enjoyed the model airplanes more than Kai, who was mostly obsessed with playing in the dirt and climbing up and off the picnic tables that were there. We ended our family morning at the playground at Lake Balboa. It was lovely to spend a morning as a family together. This afternoon, while Kai was napping, I took Ryder with me to see a friend of mine who has the BabyHawk carrier (Mei Tai). Ryder doesn't seem too comfortable in the Ergo carrier these days and the BabyBjorn I cannot wear, so I am considering the Mei Tai. She has one and I wanted to try it out. It seemed like Ryder was comfortable in it and it was easy to use, so I am considering buying one, though they aren't cheap. We'll see.

Tomorrow, Kai, Ryder and I are going over to Catie and Madison for a morning play date. I am looking forward to it. I am so incredibly happy (and lucky) to have found such a great group of friends. They are all in pretty much the same phase in their lives and it is just wonderful to have a group friends who are an email or phone call away for help, suggestions, advice, recommendations or just a listening ear. I am excited about summer arriving and about hosting play dates again here. Looking forward to doing some family get togethers and BBQ's as the ones last year were awesome.

Home